Love, Dreams and Trust

     There comes a time when we just can't take any more homework and have to get away. I have always been a hopeless romantic. The girl that dreams all the time of what will happen and how life might be. I haven't really ever thought through my wedding or things like that, but I have always given the idea of love a lot of day dream time. So this weekend I worked really hard and got time to watch a few chick flicks. I watched a few of my favorites :) "Sabrina," "Serendipity," and currently am watching "Sleepless in Seattle." All of these are in my top favorite list and it seemed fitting to watch them.
     Throughout all of these movies there is a common denominator, love. We all want it. We all dream of the day that we will fall in love and life will be just great. For some, love comes just when we don't expect it and for others it has been staring at us right in the face for a long time and then we finally come to realize that it's there. Everyone's story is different, everyone will have a different kind of happily ever after that is unique and theirs.
     Dreaming is good, it helps us realize that there is a grand life that might happen. But we have to be careful in our dreaming that we don't forget who the ultimate dream Maker is. God has a beautiful love story for us and all we have to do is let Him lead and guide us to what He wants. This isn't always the easiest process but it definitely is the most rewarding process. I mean really, would you rather have something that you come up with or something that is a million times greater than you can imagine? I'll go with the million times greater happily ever after.
     Don't lose hope friends! God has a plan, so trust Him.. no matter how hard it may seem.
                  Goodnight, Emily

Wait, it's Saturday?!

     Spending my Saturday working on homework is definitely NOT what I had in mind for this weekend. Here is a little letter I constructed to help you know how I feel.

     Dear life, please come back and send homework far far away. I miss you and wish you were here because you are much more fun than reading textbooks all day. Sincerely, Emily

     Go away homework! :(

Flyin' Solo.. but not really ;)

     If I got a dollar for every time someone asked, "So Emily, do you have a boyfriend?" I would be one rich girl. It seems like that is all people can talk or think about. I mean don't get me wrong it would be nice to have a guy that would bring me flowers, call me just because he wanted to hear my voice and sit through cheesy chick flicks just so we could hang together but that isn't what it's about. It isn't about having someone to make people jealous or having someone there so you don't feel lonely because let's face it; you can be married or dating and still feel lonely. It happens all the time, it has become an epidemic in our world today.

     So what's a girl to do? With the media and people saying that we need to be independent but at the same time saying that we need a guy to be there for us when things go wrong because we can't handle anything on our own how are we supposed to deal with life? That's just it, neither of those ways will work because we have to be satisfied with who we are in Christ. I may seem a bit preachy but trust me now and you can believe me later. Being in a relationship just so you can have someone there to hold your hand and text you every now and again isn't worth it. Being with someone who doesn't care to get to know you isn't worth your time girls!! Hold out! Wait for the one guy that God has for you, please! I promise that he will be well worth the wait.

     There will be times when you second guess yourself and the enemy sends along a really cute guy who seems to have it altogether and that what God has in store just might not be what He "really wants for you" but c'mon we all know that He knows best. So in this waiting period how about getting to know the One True Love that cares so much about you that He sent His only Son to die just for you.

     A lot of people come to me and talk about their lives and what is going on. I have always felt like I have a sign on my forehead that says, "Come and talk to me!! Tell me everything!!" because no matter what people come and feel like they can talk to me. I am not saying that they can't all I am saying is that it happens often. So often that I have been praying about getting my Masters in counseling because obviously there is something there. Since all of these people come to me to talk I have come to realize that I cannot under any circumstances give them bad advice or information, therefore, I must give them information straight from the Word. But how can I do that if I don't know the Word?! You can't friend! You can't share the love of God without knowing what it is.

     I pray that you will never feel alone and that if you are reading this and you feel like no one cares, you'll realize that there is someone who cares and His name is Jesus. You are His and He loves you more that you will ever know! Talk to Him. Get to know Him and see what He has in store for you. Who knows it could be a million times better than your wildest dreams. :)

     Well, I need to get back to lesson planning! Have a wonderful night and don't every give up!! 

-EmilyAnn

Discouragement.

     I wonder if professors know that their words mean so much to me it hurts. I got a 75% on my unit plan from last semester (just got it back from her today though) and she says that my plan was too vague. I have SEVERAL lesson plans to write this weekend and seeing that annoying little unit plan with "Vague." at the top does not help my self-esteem. So what's a girl to do? Cry? So not worth it. Complain? Yea well that won't do anything. Move on? That seems like the only possibility.
     I hope that I will be a great teacher one day but at this rate my lesson plans will keep being horrible because I just can't write down what I want to do on paper. It isn't that I can't write because I love to write it's that I just have so many ideas and no clue of which to use first and what to include and what to not include. BLEHHHHHH!!! lol :)
     Well I guess there is no sense just sitting here telling cyberspace about it, I might as well face my fears and get it done! Have a great Friday :) I'll be back soon... probably since I'll be avoiding my homework but it's all good ;) Ciao!!

One of "those" days...

     I tend to be an upbeat and happy person. It is a major part of my personality. I like to have fun, joke around and just enjoy life but lately that person seems to be lost. When I'm with one of my friends we joke constantly because if we don't then we are liable to start crying and that would not be good.
     As creepy as this sounds I miss being able to go buy a pint of ice cream and sitting at my brother's grave and just talking. Before I came to college I went there and "talked" to him several times and although a large majority of the time it was me crying out to God, those were some of the best times.
     It isn't that I thought Derek could hear me, it's that he doesn't know me. He doesn't know how sinful I can be and that no matter how hard I try I just want to give up. I want to drop out of college and just give up. I know that this is just a storm that I have to face and that it'll get better but right now the storm is raging and I feel utterly lost and unsure of what I should do. Just when there is chance to breathe and get away from the homework my professors assign more. It's only two weeks in and I have cried more lately than when my ex boyfriend broke up with me and trust me there was a lot of crying involved in that.
     So what's next? What do I do with one of "those" days? Well just like every other day. Go to sleep and then tomorrow will be a new day with no mistakes in it yet. And then I'll go to class, try my best although I feel like I am not understanding anything. And maybe tomorrow I won't cry.
     Stay strong friends, Emily

"Untitled"

     You know that moment when you have everything figured out and you learn to live with some relationships that are broken and just accept that they will never be anywhere near what they were before? Well in case you don't, I do. There are some people who you just think, "things will never be like before" and we make ourselves believe that it's okay for things to be like that but it isn't. It is like having a grudge against someone. Holding them responsible for making your life terrible when it's really you who is making your own life terrible.

     Why am I saying all of this? Well it is because I got an email from someone that I have needed to email but they were the bigger person and after a couple years things are finally reconciled. At Passion there was a session about letting go and moving on. Until we really let go of something we will feel like we are in bondage. That night I gave it back to Him. I told God that I was done being mad for what happened and that I needed Him to help me to move on.

      Now, a couple weeks later things are all settled and things are (hopefully) back to how they were before. Which will be nice because every time we ran into each other it was very awkward and there was an unspoken "weirdness" that happened.

     So, if you are struggling with something and you are holding it against someone. Take it to God and let Him handle it and find peace from that situation. God has a plan for you and it will be great :)

     Well I need to get some sleep because I have class at 8:30 :( Night!! -EmilyAnn

Saber or Conocer?

     There are so many things that I love about the Spanish language. One of the things that I love the most is the two verbs: saber and conocer. They both mean "to know" but in different meanings. Saber means to know something, like facts or things. But conocer means to know someone, like really know someone to know who they are and what they stand for.
     Lately I have stopped and thought a lot about who God is. Do I really know Him? Yes of course I know (saber) Him but do I know (conocer) Him? You see that is what it's really about. We can know all kinds of facts and ideas and know things about someone or something but that doesn't really mean that you know them.
     We cannot truly know someone if we don't know spend time and get to know who they are. A person's true colors come out in times of instability, chaos and confusion. There are many people that have made themselves become experts on hiding. Hiding not only from the chaos of the world but from the people in it as well. I sometimes feel like that kind of person. I have no problem with people knowing me in a saber sense but when it comes to conocer there are may more factors and things that come along with that. Why are people like this? Fear.
     Fear can make people do some crazy things. Someone who may seem like they "have it altogether" may really be full of fear and what I call fraidy cat syndrome. This syndrome deals with people who run away from everything that even remotely seems scary to them. It may mean that they bungee jump of cliffs and skydive on a regular basis but they still are scared of the smaller things, the things that seem trivial to most people; things like relationships and past experiences.
     So if you are one of those fraidy cats and need someone to tell you to get off you tush and do something let me be the one to tell you to get up and go be you because no one else can be you for you. God loves you, He loves you so much that He sent His Son to die for you and he wants to be in a conocer relationship. Get to know Him today and let Him guide you, don't let fear hold you back!
     Have a wonderful Saturday!! -EmilyAnn :)

Day Two..

     Well today is the second day of the semester and it is going to be long. BUT I will have hope in HIM! :) We all live really busy and crazy lives, that is just reality. Although each of our "busy-ness" may seem crazy and others don't see it as that we all need to face it, everyone is busy.
     But during our busy lives it is always good to find some relief, a time where we can get away from the norm and escape for just a few minutes. I do this through reading. I love to read! If I could I would read all day everyday, but that probably won't ever happen. Anyways, I have been reading a fiction book lately and it's about fear. It may sound kinda silly but it's nice to see how "someone else" gets through it so I can be assured that I can get through it too. God has been showing me so much lately that being scared or hiding in fear doesn't hurt anyone but myself. It doesn't bring anyone down but me and it holds me personally back from a life of excitement and joy in Him.
     Yesterday I was having a "poor me" day and feeling bad for myself pretty much all day. I drug myself off the couch and went to church knowing the whole 2 minute drive there that I needed to ask Him for forgiveness for my attitude (which I did don't worry). I thought that once I got there the sermon would of course be about good attitudes because I most definitely did not have one.. But the sermon ended up being about Jonah and how he was fearful of going to Nineveh and then how we was mad that people got saved because he didn't want them to because he didn't think they deserved it.
     It hit home. I just sat in my pew reflecting on my life and how I say I am willing to go anywhere but I always associate that with going outside of the country but here it the thing, God wants everyone to be reached with the Gospel; and that includes the United States. I do not know where God has called me to but for now He has called me to here. He has called me to my country and I need to start listening.
     My challenge to you is the same challenge I am giving myself: No matter where you are and no matter who is around you, talk to them. Talk to them about the Gospel because no matter how dirty or messed up or broken they are, there is a Savior who wants to heal them and bring them to Him.

     Have a fabulous day!! -EmilyAnn

I-don't-know-landia

     In the land of "I don't know" there are so many things that come up. I don't know what I want to wear to work or what book I want to read next or even what to blog about but what I do know is that I am in love. I am in love and I hope that love never ever leaves. I hope that the love stays for as long as I shall live. I opened up today to a friend that I have never opened up to before and it was nice. It was nice talking about what is going on and not feeling like I have to hide anything from people and not let people see who I am.
     I am a girl who doesn't always know what to do and can be very scatterbrained and usually doesn't stand up for herself, but you see I have come to learn that I am done being her because she really isn't who I am. I have learned to stand up for myself and stand up for the truth of God. So stand up, be who He wants you to be and don't pretend to be anyone else.
     Ciao, EmilyAnn

A 2012 challenge

For a moment we get taken to a place that is unknown and untouched. We go somewhere that we never thought we'd see, a place where we can hardly recognize ourself. But then we realize that the person we see staring back at us in the mirror was not us but someone else; it is Jesus.
It's not our reflection but His and that is when we realize that we are created in His image. For a long time I thought that being created in his image meant the physical attributes but it doesn't necessarily mean that. It means something much deeper, it means that we look like Him because of characteristics that we have. When we act like Christ, people will see Christ.
I believe that if we want people to see Christ radiate through us we need to learn how we can be like Him and we do that through reading His Word. You see a lot of people want to have the double layer chocolate cake with thick frosting and sprinkles but they don't want to do any work to get it. How can someone become an astronaut I they have never been taught about the stars and galaxy? They can't. Therefore we cannot expect that one day we will wake up and be super Christians that look just like Christ and didn't do anything. We have to get to know Him and take time to read His Word so we can know more about who He is and what He wants for us.
So, let's let this be our challenge for 2012; that we will face the reality that we have to do something to have a relationship with God and that everyone who sees a will not see us but Cheist in every little thing we do.
Ciao, EmilyAnn