One of "those" days...

     I tend to be an upbeat and happy person. It is a major part of my personality. I like to have fun, joke around and just enjoy life but lately that person seems to be lost. When I'm with one of my friends we joke constantly because if we don't then we are liable to start crying and that would not be good.
     As creepy as this sounds I miss being able to go buy a pint of ice cream and sitting at my brother's grave and just talking. Before I came to college I went there and "talked" to him several times and although a large majority of the time it was me crying out to God, those were some of the best times.
     It isn't that I thought Derek could hear me, it's that he doesn't know me. He doesn't know how sinful I can be and that no matter how hard I try I just want to give up. I want to drop out of college and just give up. I know that this is just a storm that I have to face and that it'll get better but right now the storm is raging and I feel utterly lost and unsure of what I should do. Just when there is chance to breathe and get away from the homework my professors assign more. It's only two weeks in and I have cried more lately than when my ex boyfriend broke up with me and trust me there was a lot of crying involved in that.
     So what's next? What do I do with one of "those" days? Well just like every other day. Go to sleep and then tomorrow will be a new day with no mistakes in it yet. And then I'll go to class, try my best although I feel like I am not understanding anything. And maybe tomorrow I won't cry.
     Stay strong friends, Emily